I’m going to preface my thoughts with saying that I know only the very general basics of what happened recently in Texas. My heart goes out to all involved but the very nature of the situation leaves me feeling a need to share my thoughts and experiences while distancing myself somewhat from the details and media coverage.
Before even Columbine I was in 7th grade in what passed for rural central Florida. It was a good school with good kids and teachers. Fairly normal in most ways. Shortly after that school year started though, there was an incident where an 8th grader brought a gun to school and killed another classmate. In just a few minutes, one 14 year old was gone, one was in prison, and the rest of us that were present had to face some pretty hard things.
Here are some things I have learned from that experience that color my opinions about the current coverage and national debates etc.
While we were all grieving and adjusting to a loss of innocence the media was right there to document it for days on end, cameras everywhere requesting interviews (not even sure they had adult permission for most of them). It not only felt invasive but it made our experience feel cheap - something that we needed to dramatize for the camera in attempts to express the deep grief we were feeling and yet felt like we had to be over as soon as they moved on with the next things.
While conversations about gun control are important (I mean, for thousands of years people had to hunt and protect their families with a lot less powerful/destructive weapons then are currently available for the general market so umm… there’s that) if we are honest with ourselves, those who are determined will still find a way to get around that. We can and should look at some more sensible gun control but we also need to be focusing more on concepts like the need for greater understanding and availability of mental health assistance and drug use etc. A greater part of that needs to rely on the communities and families, knowing and recognizing the warning signs and continually building bridges and reaching out in love instead of isolating, stereotyping, and leaving people full of the anger, despair, and hopelessness that seems to be at the heart of the issue.
We need to be more mindful about teaching our youth and exemplifying the reality that our choices have consequences. In my mind this has a whole realm of discussion in itself - everything from the toddler that needs to be taught to not hit and share to games and movies where people are essentially invincible or just an idiot who “of course was gonna die” as part of the plot, to public figures that use their money/prestige to get a wink or at most a slap on the hand for wrongdoing. (This is not to say that I don’t see in my own realm where I need improvements but looking at the ideals of what we can be working on)
Along with the bridges that need to be built to help recognize when someone is really struggling, we also need to be continually be bridging the gaps where kids don’t feel comfortable voicing concerns to adults that may be able to step in and help. Teaching them the difference between gossip/tattling and reaching out appropriately for assistance and that it’s okay to ask for help and how to recognize when someone is being unsafe or struggling in deep ways and that even as they enter adulthood that those skills and awareness are still important. This one particularly is significant to me because the police detective who came to investigate found out later that many of the kids were aware of the gun and other things that day but never told an adult. He went on to dedicate himself to helping bridge that gap and work in the schools on a regular basis, befriending, educating, and encouraging students in amazing ways - a quiet and unsung hero.
No one person is going to have a quick fix for this - and it should not be political - everyone needs to understand that this is a growing crisis that affects us all and will take all of us working together to heal and find actionable and reasonable solutions, not band-aids and talking points that never result in any real change or progress. The more we focus our time on blame etc the more we get lost in the divisions and frustrations that keep us from healing. Maybe it’s a little idealistic of me but I think if we’re going to make progress it has to come from a place of “here’s what happened, here are the areas that we fell short, so here’s how each of us can do a little better going forward” and that initial assessment can’t really come from the outside but has to be an internal awakening and humbling and transformation with desire to do better otherwise it’s all too easy to start putting up walls of defense and putting the blame on someone else without realizing it is bigger than any of us individually.
I get that all that isn’t likely to keep it from happening again. I think that’s what hurts the most - even knowing that we know ways that we can do better - there are going to be enough people out there that still don’t care for whatever reason because the rest of their lives is already enough of a struggle that they just don’t have space for the extra compassion, effort, etc. that it is going to take and the reality of each situation like this while it can bring an extra measure of awareness, compassion, and understanding, also can be a breeding ground for distrust, isolation, and despair that perpetuates more problems in the future.
I know if we give up though because we feel like it’s too big that we are all going to regret it in big ways. We have to face that it’s our reality and if we want things to change, it’s up to each of us to do our part. Because that’s another lesson I learned through everything - we’re all going to face tragedies of some nature in life that we won’t be able to explain or fully understand but there is beauty and hope in the family and friends coming together and supporting each other through those tough times. Those people who did that for me and with me are sacred to me because we’ve gone through the darkness together and know what it means to appreciate the light.
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