Monday Gospel Musings: Empathy through Suffering

 I was praying this morning, thinking about all the people I know who are struggling in pretty big ways right now and wondering about some of the big challenges in my own life. As I prayed though, I heard myself thanking Heavenly Father that Christ was willing to suffer so that He might be able to succor us in our times of need.

It made me pause a minute. 

Christ suffered so that He might more perfectly succor. 

Is that what I think of when I think of suffering?

Do I thank Heavenly Father for the opportunity to learn things that allow me to grow and help those I love?

I mean, it's kind of like the joke about patience right - be careful what you pray for, God might just let you learn it. 

Well, I certainly want to be able to understand and support and love more like Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ, so perhaps a small part of all the suffering that I've experienced is letting me do just that. It certainly makes me think back on some of the previous things I've looked on as trials and how after the fact- the things I've learned through those trials have been some of the foundational points for my being able to serve and help in meaningful ways. 

As usual, God wasn't done with His lesson to me yet. As I began my scripture study, I realized that this week's Come, Follow Me lesson comes from the book of Job in the Old Testament. Certainly, aside from Christ, he has become the quintessential face of what it means to experience suffering. 

 

One exchange particularly caught my attention. Job's wife is telling him that he should just curse God and die. I mean, wow. Job's response sums it up though - "What? shall we receive good at the hand of God, and shall we not receive evil?"

 

If we remember who God is, what He has done for us, and what He wants for each of us - it doesn't take away our suffering, it doesn't make it magically all okay, we're all still going to have moments where it may seem bleak and dark and like He's forgotten us, but it does give us the opportunity to connect with Him and turn it into something good, not only for us, but for those that we love.

Some Thoughts on the Robb Elementary School Shooting

 I’m going to preface my thoughts with saying that I know only the very general basics of what happened recently in Texas. My heart goes out to all involved but the very nature of the situation leaves me feeling a need to share my thoughts and experiences while distancing myself somewhat from the details and media coverage.

Before even Columbine I was in 7th grade in what passed for rural central Florida. It was a good school with good kids and teachers. Fairly normal in most ways. Shortly after that school year started though, there was an incident where an 8th grader brought a gun to school and killed another classmate. In just a few minutes, one 14 year old was gone, one was in prison, and the rest of us that were present had to face some pretty hard things.

Here are some things I have learned from that experience that color my opinions about the current coverage and national debates etc.

While we were all grieving and adjusting to a loss of innocence the media was right there to document it for days on end, cameras everywhere requesting interviews (not even sure they had adult permission for most of them). It not only felt invasive but it made our experience feel cheap - something that we needed to dramatize for the camera in attempts to express the deep grief we were feeling and yet felt like we had to be over as soon as they moved on with the next things. 

While conversations about gun control are important (I mean, for thousands of years people had to hunt and protect their families with a lot less powerful/destructive weapons then are currently available for the general market so umm… there’s that) if we are honest with ourselves, those who are determined will still find a way to get around that. We can and should look at some more sensible gun control but we also need to be focusing more on concepts like the need for greater understanding and availability of mental health assistance and drug use etc. A greater part of that needs to rely on the communities and families, knowing and recognizing the warning signs and continually building bridges and reaching out in love instead of isolating, stereotyping, and leaving people full of the anger, despair, and hopelessness that seems to be at the heart of the issue. 

We need to be more mindful about teaching our youth and exemplifying the reality that our choices have consequences. In my mind this has a whole realm of discussion in itself - everything from the toddler that needs to be taught to not hit and share to games and movies where people are essentially invincible or just an idiot who “of course was gonna die” as part of the plot, to public figures that use their money/prestige to get a wink or at most a slap on the hand for wrongdoing. (This is not to say that I don’t see in my own realm where I need improvements but looking at the ideals of what we can be working on)
 

Along with the bridges that need to be built to help recognize when someone is really struggling, we also need to be continually be bridging the gaps where kids don’t feel comfortable voicing concerns to adults that may be able to step in and help. Teaching them the difference between gossip/tattling and reaching out appropriately for assistance and that it’s okay to ask for help and how to recognize when someone is being unsafe or struggling in deep ways and that even as they enter adulthood that those skills and awareness are still important. This one particularly is significant to me because the police detective who came to investigate found out later that many of the kids were aware of the gun and other things that day but never told an adult. He went on to dedicate himself to helping bridge that gap and work in the schools on a regular basis, befriending, educating, and encouraging students in amazing ways - a quiet and unsung hero. 

No one person is going to have a quick fix for this - and it should not be political - everyone needs to understand that this is a growing crisis that affects us all and will take all of us working together to heal and find actionable and reasonable solutions, not band-aids and talking points that never result in any real change or progress. The more we focus our time on blame etc the more we get lost in the divisions and frustrations that keep us from healing. Maybe it’s a little idealistic of me but I think if we’re going to make progress it has to come from a place of “here’s what happened, here are the areas that we fell short, so here’s how each of us can do a little better going forward” and that initial assessment can’t really come from the outside but has to be an internal awakening and humbling and transformation with desire to do better otherwise it’s all too easy to start putting up walls of defense and putting the blame on someone else without realizing it is bigger than any of us individually.

I get that all that isn’t likely to keep it from happening again. I think that’s what hurts the most - even knowing that we know ways that we can do better - there are going to be enough people out there that still don’t care for whatever reason because the rest of their lives is already enough of a struggle that they just don’t have space for the extra compassion, effort, etc. that it is going to take and the reality of each situation like this while it can bring an extra measure of awareness, compassion, and understanding, also can be a breeding ground for distrust, isolation, and despair that perpetuates more problems in the future.

I know if we give up though because we feel like it’s too big that we are all going to regret it in big ways. We have to face that it’s our reality and if we want things to change, it’s up to each of us to do our part. Because that’s another lesson I learned through everything - we’re all going to face tragedies of some nature in life that we won’t be able to explain or fully understand but there is beauty and hope in the family and friends coming together and supporting each other through those tough times. Those people who did that for me and with me are sacred to me because we’ve gone through the darkness together and know what it means to appreciate the light.

Motes & Beams

Just some thoughts from my scripture reading today. I was thinking about the Savior’s admonition in Matthew 7:3-5 

“And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother’s eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye?

Maybe it’s just me, I know that for a long time I’ve left it at that we need to be more worried about our own business and that generally more often than not we’re nitpicking because we’re trying to avoid considering our own faults and falling into the sin of hypocrisy that the Lord goes on to mention.  Really, most of the time it’s just absolutely none of our business what other people are doing.

Sometimes though it is a situation where another person’s sins have affected us, even hurt us deeply. Does this still apply? In its own way, I think it’s just as vital then.

Say what?! Why should we still focus more on ourselves then the wrong that someone else has done to us, why in that moment of pain should we reflect and be considering our own sins more than our pain? That' just seems really unfair and one-sided. 

Well, two things that I had never considered before came to mind.

1. It allows us to put the sins in their proper perspective. If we really consider our own faults, it’s easier to find forgiveness and remember to see the other person as the child of God that they are. It also helps us recognize when there is something out of the normal happening and just really how much of the situation we have control over and how much we don’t. It may seem harsh to say it but there comes a point where we’re in a toxic relationship with someone and their issues are a little bit bigger than the normal and we need to treat the situation differently than we would in the general give and take of a normal, healthy relationship.

2. As we go through the process of personal repentance we become closer to God. We can better have His Spirit to be with us and that allows Him to be more present in our lives and help us. The Master Physician doesn’t want to leave us broken and crumbled and hurting. He wants us to find peace and comfort and wholeness but that can only happen as we let Him in and when we sin we keep Him from being able to fully perform His work in us. 

So yes, perhaps it's about learning not to be a hypocrite, or that we just need to learn to mind our own business but I believe it's also about learning to accept the gift of perspective and healing that come through repentance in our own lives.

Filling up Our Treasure Chests

A little while ago I was helping someone. An extremely sweet sister that I hadn't met before who had suddenly found herself in a hard place and time and needed help desperately and on short notice.

It's not the first time I've gotten those calls. Sometimes I haven't even gotten an actual call but had a prompting or passing request. Either way as the “calls” come they have resulted in a variety of different things. I've brought meals, watched children, driven people to places, helped people move, picked up groceries, took care of animals, and so on.

I've always loved the opportunity to serve others. I've never once regretted going and doing (although I have unfortunately regretted plenty of times when I've missed that opportunity for one reason or another). I've often found that I was blessed even more than the person I was trying to help. I love getting to know people better, lifting someone's day, and for my tiny part knowing that the world is brighter because I did something to help.

I hope that doesn't sound conceited or trite because I wasn't the only one who answered the call in this case and it was amazing to see how each of us were able to be there and what we were able to bring in the way of help and how each of us were needed. In the midst of my pure exhaustion that followed I had a thought - What if I hadn't been able to serve? What if I was too busy with other things? What if I didn't have the physical/emotional/mental/spiritual/temporal resources available that she needed? Would she have suffered because I wasn't able to serve? What would I have missed?

I almost broke down in tears of gratitude to my Savior. I thought of all the times I wanted to help but didn't or couldn't and I was so thankful that at least this once I had been prepared to be able to help. I'm not sure I could have done what I did even just a few months ago and the thought was painful to me. Maybe someone else could have been there and everything would have been fine without me, it probably would have. Maybe they could have helped better than I did. But maybe not. Maybe I was the only one who could have done what I did and that small bit for whatever it was worth would have been left undone.

The Lord has blessed me with a treasure chest. It's my job to take care of it and fill it up with the things I need though. If I want to be able to help I have to have the knowledge and strength and resources to be there. I have to be busy filling up my treasure chest so that when others need something I am ready and able to share. It's just logic that you can't give what you don't have.

Now I don't think that God expects us to have everything right today that someone may ever possibly need from us or that we alone have to save the world. He gives each of us different gifts and different needs and what I'm expected to be able to give now will be different than what I might be expected to give 30 years from now. But God knows what we're capable of doing and I think that He wants each of us to be doing our very best. I don't want to have to get to the eternities and realize that I missed opportunities to serve and love and bless because I was too busy or lazy and hadn't prepared myself or didn't even realize that there was a need. The prophets have taught to get out of debt, provide for the future, take care of our homes and families, to take scripture into our hearts, to learn all that we can, and stay close to the Spirit. I think those are all things that I can work on bit by bit each day to help fill my treasure chest so I won't have to come up empty-handed and can be satisfied that I truly did give all I could.

I am just so thankful that I was here, I was ready to answer the call and I was able to serve because of what I've been blessed with largely because of promptings that have come through the Holy Ghost. That means so much to me. I still have a lot that I can be doing to fill my treasure chest up but the other day I truly felt like I could not have been more blessed.

First Things First

As we begin this new year I've been contemplating what I really want this year to look like and the person I want to be. One of my big personal struggles is organization. I don't even know how often I've annoyed people or forgotten things or double booked or ended up with extra drama simply because I lacked organization and just messed it up. I've been wanting to get better about this for years but haven't really made any notable progress. I've tried really everything I can think of - I've made lists galore, tried out I don't even know how many planners, checked out a ton of experts on the subject but still have just stayed stuck.

One thing that I've been trying to do this year so far though is something that I learned as I was taking President Nelson's challenge from the last General Conference.  If I want to get organized I need to first learn to prioritize. I'm never going to get anywhere by taking care of the stuff that doesn't matter even if it is the proverbial squeaky wheel of the moment.

I heard a talk once that really stuck with me - I can't remember where or who it was but the idea presented was that if most of us were asked if we had an extra day to spend doing something that we would probably say we were too busy but what happens if all the sudden we're sick - now all the sudden we've spent the day on the couch and had to spend that time differently then we planned and then we find a way to work it out later.

We all have the same amount of time, it's really more about how we prioritize using it. If we don't have time for exercise or service or scriptures or cleaning or school it's because we don't really see whatever it is as the priority. Sometimes that's good - we simply can't do everything. Successful people though evaluate what's really important to them and what's going to get them there and then they put those things at a higher priority.

I know that as I've tried to do this that I've found that I actually end up having a lot more time than I thought because when I was putting off those things that I knew were important but were priorities I was still stressing about them and allowing them to bog me down. In addition, there's something psychological I think of having really accomplished something validating and worthwhile vs. playing in the fluff stuff.

It's still a work in progress though but I think that's okay. I'm learning what works for me and I'm okay with baby steps!

Introduction

A little about me to start - I was born and raised in Florida just outside of Orlando. After getting maried to my best friend in the Orlando, Florida temple in 2003 hubby and I traded the beaches for the mountains and ended up in New England. I've fallen in love with the people and seasons here although I still am a little apprehensive about driving in snow and consider hibernating a viable option for surviving winter. We have been blessed with four amazing children who teach me so much about life and love that I never even knew I wanted to know and one special angel baby. I was born and raised as a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Although what I write is in no way intended to be considered as anything other than my own feelings and thoughts, my faith is a huge part of who I am. I love writing, reading, nature, cooking, eating, traveling, photography, music, and just being with the people I love and looking for ways to shine a little light wherever I can in the world around me. I'm starting this blog with the hope that someone else will benefit in some way from my ups and downs and the lessons life seems to keep trying to teach me along the way because I believe as women, wives, mothers, and humans, we're kind of all in this together and we need all the help we can get. I also consider it a personal form of therapy because writing helps me process and organize my ideas which has been a big part of my healing from depression and anxiety. Thanks for stopping by!